TeamBlue

Friday, June 13, 2003:

not-so-critical mass

before i recount last night, i was reading mike jones diary just now and found it really funny, you should check it out.

i've heard rumblings about a not so critical mass ride/pub crawl that goes on in the megalopolis that is downtown cospgs, and last night had some friends that were going, so i decided to give 'er a go.

i rolled around on my tenspeed for about an hour before going, and stopped at target (tarjay) for a fathersday present, some shorts, some shoes, and possibly some sandals. i ended up with two (almost 3) DVD's a CD, some gum, shoelaces, a pair of super cool bowling shoes, some shorts for me and a pair for dad. a productive trip.

but to the evenings festivities: prolly pert near 25 folks joined in from time to time. most dressed in some sort of showing of counterculture or just plainlike a reject. i immediately felt right at home. there was even another schwinn racer, but his was a single with a coaster brake, not the interal 3 and calipers i had. it feels really good to ride around with 24 rejects on bikes in the middle of downtown. being drunk probaly helped out with that a little. once we had gotten our drink on and our ride on, we got down to business. THE DERBY. it was touted to be a naked crit, but when it got down to it there werent very many willing stippers. it also turned out the boys were racing seperate from the girls, so that was disappointing. well were were at the colorado springs international raceway and laundramat and we all had number plates, and when i say plates i mean hefty picnic paper plates. i was the approximation of the base of the natural logrythm: 2.718. always a lucky number. accelerates from near zero really quickly, but mellows out after that. a good race tactic. then this guy started telling us all these rules, blah, blah, blah. then he mentioned that there were to be time bonuses for each article of clothing removed. and there were only five laps, i was only wearing 3 articles i was willing to part with (shoes being the only exception. i would have dressed more heavily had i known about the bonuses. so standing on the start line i was so nervious and i was so "well hydrated" that i just had to pee, thoughts of the 93 state 2 mile state track and field champs flashed through my head (where i peed my pants. it was ok cause i had already sweat through my shorts, making them look wet) then i thought of the 2003 national cyclocross champs (where i stood amongst 100 cross racers, and peed next to my bike), and then... you get the picture. so i just stood there and peed. i had emptied half my bladder before anyone noticed anything.

then he said go. and we all muscled each other out of the way so we could get to our bikes (lemans start) and when we started riding i shot straight to the back. i am many things but one of them is not a TOTALLY stupid drunk. i wasnt going to ride with those drunk fuckers. it was a good choice cause at least 4 people got taken out in the first two turns. right off the sidewalk and into the rocks. first lap. took off the jacket. second lap took off the shirt. third lap went to take the shorts off, and there were 12 hungy looking women all staring right at me (the stuff of dreams) but i froze. i couldnt do it. noone else was naked. all i could manage was a full moon ride. i was ashamed of my modesty. but it sure was fun riding around like a half naked fool. then the ladies raced and i appointed myself the gatherer of the clothes. not such a bad job. none of them got naked either. most of them piled on clothes before the race so they would have more layers to take off, and still not be buck. it was pretty fun watching those fine ladies riding in bras and tank tops. one girl even went down, but luckily avoided serious injury. there is photograpic evidence, but i havent figured out how to add it yet.

big rides this weekend.

doug // 13:31

Comments: Post a Comment